3 MINUTE READ ON BEING AN EMPATH, KINDNESS AND GIVING YOURSELF GRACE
Here is something to remind yourself, a quote that I loved and a question to ask yourself for this week…
Something to remind yourself…
Recently someone send me this video of Daniel Chidiac which resonated with me: “The problem with being empathetic is that you even feel sorry for the people who hurt you, but there comes a point where you’ve enough. You realise this person is taking advantage of your kindness and they don’t deserve one more thing from you. Nothing.
I.
I discovered that I used to put up with certain behavior from other people because I hadn’t yet figured out what I wanted and needed. It wasn’t distressing or anything, but I was a people-pleaser and liked to be appreciated. That meant I ended up letting others cross boundaries, either because I didn’t yet know where my boundaries were, or because I struggled to define them clearly. In that respect, love has really helped me realize how wonderful making mistakes can be. Boyfriends, crushes, flings and friendships – even the wrong ones – helped me determine what I did and didn’t want. And then I also started seeing my own role in the whole thing very clearly. Instead of thinking, “Oh no, poor me! What a coincidence that I’m meeting yet another douchebag,” try this for a change: “What is it about me that always seems to attract jerks? How can I love myself more and attract supportive people instead? And if I notice that they don’t have my best interests at heart, how can I be self-confident enough to show them the door right away?”
II.
Let’s agree once and for all that selfishness is, to some extent, very healthy. It is a form of self-protection that has nothing to do with thinking you are fantastic – although you certainly can – but has everything to do with loving yourself in a healthy way. It means loving yourself enough to respect and protect your own energy, time and attention. Healthy selfishness makes you give yourself at least the same respect and attention as those around you. It means that you consider your own opinion about something at least as important as someone else’s. Choosing for yourself is not just about saying “yes” to yourself. It is learning to say no to people and things that only cause you stress, without feeling guilty about it. Healthy selfishness is understanding that people may think or expect certain things, but that you get to decide what to do with those expectations.
I discovered that I used to put up with certain behavior from other people because I hadn’t yet figured out what I wanted and needed. It wasn’t distressing or anything, but I was a people-pleaser and liked to be appreciated. That meant I ended up letting others cross boundaries, either because I didn’t yet know where my boundaries were, or because I struggled to define them clearly. In that respect, love has really helped me realize how wonderful making mistakes can be. Boyfriends, crushes, flings and friendships – even the wrong ones – helped me determine what I did and didn’t want. And then I also started seeing my own role in the whole thing very clearly. Instead of thinking, “Oh no, poor me! What a coincidence that I’m meeting yet another douchebag,” try this for a change: “What is it about me that always seems to attract jerks? How can I love myself more and attract supportive people instead? And if I notice that they don’t have my best interests at heart, how can I be self-confident enough to show them the door right away?”
II.
Let’s agree once and for all that selfishness is, to some extent, very healthy. It is a form of self-protection that has nothing to do with thinking you are fantastic – although you certainly can – but has everything to do with loving yourself in a healthy way. It means loving yourself enough to respect and protect your own energy, time and attention. Healthy selfishness makes you give yourself at least the same respect and attention as those around you. It means that you consider your own opinion about something at least as important as someone else’s. Choosing for yourself is not just about saying “yes” to yourself. It is learning to say no to people and things that only cause you stress, without feeling guilty about it. Healthy selfishness is understanding that people may think or expect certain things, but that you get to decide what to do with those expectations.
A quote that I loved…
There is literally nothing in nature that blooms all year long, so do not expect your self to do so.
– Randompaintress
A question to ask yourself…
‘What to me is kindness and how can I treat myself with more of that kindness?
Have an amazing week!
Love,
Kelly